Physical Address
304 North Cardinal St.
Dorchester Center, MA 02124
This story addresses themes of grief and loss. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress, please reach out for support.
In 2019, Amber Smith and her husband, Granger Smith, faced every parent’s worst nightmare when their 3-year-old son, River, tragically drowned in their backyard pool. This heart-wrenching event marked the beginning of a profound journey through grief and healing.
In the aftermath of this unimaginable loss, Amber found herself burdened by sorrow while striving to provide comfort to their two other children, Lincoln, who was 5, and London, who was 7 at the time. Granger, a former country music star turned minister, grappled with his own demons and considered taking his life due to the overwhelming guilt and grief. Yet, amidst this profound pain, the couple leaned on each other and their unwavering faith.
Amber, now 43, shares her journey of heartache and healing in her memoir, “The Girl on the Bathroom Floor.” Reflecting on the darkest days of their lives, she emphasizes the role of their steadfast faith in God as a cornerstone that held their marriage together.
Marriage Tested by Tragedy
Amber candidly recounts that their tragic loss tested the very foundation of their marriage. She recalls a pivotal moment when they were faced with River’s organ donation surgery. They took a moment to connect in a healing garden, promising each other that this loss would not tear their family apart. They committed to finding the positives amidst their grief.
“At the very beginning, even when River was in the hospital, we said, ‘This is not going to tear our family apart. We’re going to find the good in this,’” Amber reflects. However, she admits that grieving differently posed significant challenges for both of them. Navigating through their sorrow required learning when to support each other and when to give space.
The Struggle with Grief
As Amber recounts, the experience was fraught with struggles, despite both prayer and tears. She acknowledges that they grieved hard yet separately. “I grieved in my bathroom, while Granger grieved in various places. There was a time when he almost took his life because of the overwhelming guilt. Thankfully, he didn’t, but we had to rely on each other and our church community during that dark period.
“There’s no handbook for grief,” she emphasizes. Even amidst their darkest hours, their commitment to each other and their vows shone brightly: they would tackle whatever challenges life presented, together.
Finding Solace in Faith
Amber believes that maintaining faith in God saved them. She shares her perspective, stating that she never blamed God for their tragedy. Instead, she points out the importance of God’s sacrifice of His own son as a testament to understanding human suffering.
“To anyone questioning why a loving God would allow such heartbreak, I would point them to the cross,” she explains. “God understands our pain and suffering. I had to trust in that truth, even when doubts seeped in. Scripture reassures us that every one of our days is numbered, and that was true for River as well.”
Raising Awareness for Water Safety
Since River’s death, the Smith family has used their platform to advocate for child water safety. They often encounter insensitive comments on social media, where some users label them irresponsible for not teaching River how to swim. Amber firmly emphasizes that the accident unfolded in a fleeting moment when River momentarily slipped out of sight.
Despite the feelings of guilt that sometimes weighed heavily on her, Amber found solace through community support and the shared experiences of other grieving families. She began documenting her story, a vital step in processing her emotions. Seeking a fresh start, they sold their home and built a new one on their land in Texas.
A Journey to Joy
Almost two months after losing River, Amber experienced a significant moment of joy — her first genuine laugh while watching her other children play outside in the rain. Even though feelings of guilt lingered, for the first time, she felt strength.
“Through my grief, I discovered that true joy comes from God,” Amber remarks. “Happiness is fleeting and based on circumstances, but joy in Christ remains constant, regardless of life’s tribulations.”
The Beginning of a New Chapter
In 2021, Amber and Granger welcomed their son, Maverick Beckham Smith. Amber expresses that Maverick is not a replacement for River but represents a new and beautiful chapter in their story.
Understanding the lessons they learned from their loss, Amber enrolled Maverick in swim lessons starting at 8 months old. Witnessing him learn to swim has been both heart-wrenching and empowering as it reminds her of River. Each swim installment allowed them to build confidence and skills in water safety, reinforcing the commitment to do better by their children.
“I wish I had known to put River in those lessons sooner,” Amber reflects. “But now that we know, we can provide our family with the necessary tools for safety.”
A Message of Hope
Ultimately, Amber hopes her memoir offers hope to grieving parents, emphasizing reliance on faith as a crucial element in navigating life’s hardships. “You cannot do this without the Lord. Life can be incredibly challenging, but it becomes even tougher when faith is absent,” she concludes.
