Timeless Wisdom from the Bible on Choosing a Spouse

One of the most significant questions that future generations will pose is simply, “How do I know if he or she is the one?” This query resonates across ages and cultures, emphasizing the universal significance of marriage.

The Bible, often considered a profound source of guidance, offers essential insights into the journey of finding a life partner. In Genesis 24, Abraham sends his servant, Eliezer, on a mission to find a wife for his son Isaac.

Divine Instructions and a Purposeful Journey

Abraham’s sole directive to Eliezer was to travel to Haran, a region with a rich history tied to the values Abraham cherished. This journey signifies the importance of seeking a spouse in a place enriched with spiritual and moral virtues.

Upon arriving in Haran, Eliezer encounters Rebecca, who is described as “very fair to look upon.” This observation highlights one of the crucial characteristics to consider in a partner: physical attraction. However, the story doesn’t stop there.

Three Essential Traits to Consider

As Eliezer observes Rebecca, he witnesses her generous spirit when she offers water not just to him but also to all of his camels. This act of kindness reflects the second essential trait: generosity. Such qualities are indicative of a character that values service to others.

Ultimately, Eliezer recognizes that Rebecca possesses these three vital traits: she shows beauty, kindness, and the ability to serve others. These characteristics become the foundation for his decision, affirming that she is the one for Isaac.

A Strong Foundation Built on Values

For Rebecca, her understanding of Isaac is limited to two aspects: his wealth and his strong faith in God. These two factors suggest stability and shared values. She accepts Eliezer’s proposal, marking the beginning of their partnership.

The subsequent announcement in the Torah reveals the simplicity and depth of their relationship: “Isaac married her. She became his wife. And he loved her.” This sequence underscores a fundamental truth: marriage requires intention, commitment, and mutual respect.

Cultivating Love through Acts of Giving

The marriage of Isaac and Rebecca serves as a model of marital happiness, emphasizing that love is not merely a feeling but a continuous journey of giving. This principle is echoed in the Hebrew language, where the root of the word for love, “ahava,” translates to the act of giving.

Those with long-lasting relationships understand this concept deeply. They recognize that love flourishes when nurtured through selfless acts. We do not simply fall into love; we intentionally cultivate and develop it.

Modern Challenges in Dating

Contemporary culture often presents a stark contrast to the principles illustrated in the biblical narrative. For instance, many individuals now wait until their thirties to marry or start families, raising concerns about fertility challenges and other implications.

Furthermore, the prevalence of casual dating has unfortunately led to a decline in meaningful relationships. A phenomenon some sociologists describe as a “sexual recession” has emerged, where young men seem to prioritize video games over intimate connections, reflecting a shift in societal values.

Additionally, emotional rejections during dating can lead to long-lasting distress, often translating into physical pain. Individuals frequently test compatibility over extended periods, relying on cohabitation as a benchmark for potential success. However, studies indicate that compatibility remains the leading cause of divorce.

Timeless Guidance for Future Generations

As we guide our children and grandchildren towards fruitful marriages, the biblical narrative provides a proven formula for success. The old adage of maintaining lengthy checklists loses significance when weighed against core values.

Ultimately, compatibility in trivial matters, such as vacation preferences or the company a partner keeps, pales in comparison to the fundamental attributes of character and faith. It’s these foundational elements that pave the way for a fulfilling union.

Emphasizing the Core Values

If a couple identifies and nurtures two or three essential characteristics that define their love, they can prepare for a joyful marriage. The key lies in fostering a mutual commitment based on respect and shared values.

By embracing this timeless wisdom, individuals can navigate the complexities of modern relationships with assurance and clarity. The lessons from Isaac and Rebecca’s union serve as a beacon of hope in a world filled with uncertainty.

Mark Gerson’s upcoming book might further explore these themes. It is titled “God Was Right: How Modern Social Science Proves the Torah Is True,” which will be published by BenBella Books in June 2025.